Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
