i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
