I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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