had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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