Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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