Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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