I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
