I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
