Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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