i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
