whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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