Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize