a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
