My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
