I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
