What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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