Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
