I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
