You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
