Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
