erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
