You can't special order awesome
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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