you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
false alarm. still invincible.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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