there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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