I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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