after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
