There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
