6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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