I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
