I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
