we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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