I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I will be naked everywhere
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
