I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
