It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
