I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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