Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
