I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
