you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
