hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
