feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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