Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
