we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
