Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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