Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
