For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
