my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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