Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
