I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
