Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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