we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
