I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
