Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am naked and annoyed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
