Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
