He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
