I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
