i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
