tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
