just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
