Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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