So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
