Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
