you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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