if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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