I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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