I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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