also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
