College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
